You think you’re stepping into a dream when you marry the love of your life. But that dream quickly turns into a nightmare when you’re handed a list of rules on how to be a “good wife.” And this is where my revenge began.
When I was growing up, I had always imagined marriage would be different. I pictured Sunday mornings spent in bed, laughing over shared secrets, a partnership built on love and mutual respect. But reality has a funny way of hitting you right between the eyes.
Dan and I had just tied the knot. The wedding was perfect — small, intimate, everything I’d dreamed of. And for a while, it felt like a fairy tale. Dan was kind and funny, and I truly believed we were on the same page about how we wanted to live our lives together. That is, until Karen, his mother, handed me a gift after the ceremony.
I remember standing in our living room, still basking in that post-wedding glow, when Karen approached me with her “special” present.
“This is for you, Lucia. A little something to help you as you step into your new role.” She handed me an ornate box with a wide smile, one that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
Inside the box was a neatly folded piece of paper. When I unfolded it, my jaw dropped. At the top, in bold, it read: “How to Be a Good Wife for My Son.”
At first, I laughed. I thought it was some joke. Maybe Karen was poking fun at those old-fashioned stereotypes about marriage.
But as I kept reading, my smile faded. It was a list — an actual list of rules I was expected to follow as Dan’s wife.
I looked over at Dan, hoping he’d be just as baffled as I was, but he was busy opening his own gift. A check. A fat one, no less. And me? I got a rulebook.
Later that evening, Dan approached me with a sheepish grin. “You got the rules my mom gave you, didn’t you?” he asked, as if it were some casual suggestion, not a manual for a life of servitude.
“YEP… I did,” I replied, trying to keep the sarcasm out of my voice but failing miserably.
Dan shifted uncomfortably and scratched the back of his neck. “Well, you know, that’s how it must be now. Marriage is different from dating.”
I blinked at him, waiting for him to crack a smile, to say something that made it all a joke. But he didn’t.
“Wait… You’re serious?” I asked, staring at him as if I didn’t recognize the man I’d just married.
He shrugged. “It’s just how things are. Mom says it’s important to keep things in order, you know?”
I bit my lip, holding back a sharp retort. Keep things in order. That’s how they saw me now?
After Dan fell asleep, I read through the list again, my hands trembling with shock and fury. I couldn’t believe the audacity.
Here’s a taste of the insanity I was supposed to follow:
At 6 a.m., you have to be fully dressed with makeup on, cooking a hot breakfast for Dan. Remember, no veggies, no milk, no butter; he only likes plain eggs and toast. Make sure the toast is exactly golden brown, and don’t forget to serve it on a blue plate because the green one ruins his appetite.
Do all the grocery shopping yourself. Dan hates the store, and honestly, it’s no place for a man. Always buy his favorite beer — but not too much. He should have just enough for football nights but not so much that he becomes lazy. Oh, and don’t forget to carry everything in yourself because it’s unladylike to ask for help.
After dinner, make sure the kitchen is spotless before Dan even steps out of the dining room. Men shouldn’t have to witness any mess; they must leave the table and enter a pristine space. And remember, always stack the plates according to size, and wipe the counters twice, because Dan’s sensitive to crumbs.
Always dress conservatively when Dan’s friends come over. We don’t want them thinking you’re too “modern” or that you’re not the “right kind of wife.” A good wife never wears anything above the knee, and the neckline should always be high. Anything else, and you’ll embarrass Dan in front of his buddies.”
Make sure Dan never has to do his laundry. A good wife always has fresh, ironed clothes ready, and socks without a single wrinkle. Also, fold them in threes, not twos, because that’s how Dan likes it. He should never have to pick out mismatched socks or deal with a wrinkled shirt. It reflects poorly on you if he does.
By the time I finished reading, my blood was boiling. This wasn’t just some outdated advice; this was a full-blown expectation that I was supposed to cater to Dan’s every whim like I had no other purpose.
And the worst part? Dan was fine with it. He hadn’t even flinched when I mentioned the rules.
I felt trapped, but I wasn’t about to roll over and let them get away with this. If they wanted to play this game, I’d play along but on my terms.
The morning after I read Karen’s list, I woke up at 6 a.m. sharp, just as instructed. I rolled out of bed, put on a full face of makeup, and slipped into a nice dress.
I stared at myself in the mirror, laughing quietly at how ridiculous this all was. But if Karen wanted me to play this role, I’d play it, but with a twist.
I made my way downstairs and prepared breakfast, exactly how the rules said: plain toast and eggs. But I didn’t stop there. I took the tiniest slice of toast and an unseasoned boiled egg and plopped them onto Dan’s enormous blue plate. The plate was so big it made the meager meal look like a joke.
I carefully placed it on the table, smiling sweetly like a dutiful wife as Dan walked into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes.
He looked at the plate, clearly confused. “Isn’t there… anything else?”
I shook my head, smiling brightly. “Just following the rules. Plain eggs and toast! Want me to make another slice?”
Dan sighed, picking up the toast. “No… this is fine.”
I stood there watching him chew through the driest breakfast of his life, holding back a laugh. Oh, this was going to be fun.
Later that afternoon, I made a big show of heading to the grocery store. I grabbed my reusable bags and marched out the door, making sure Dan saw me leaving, all by myself, just like the rules said.
When I got back, I hauled in every single bag on my own, even the heavy ones. Dan watched from the couch, clearly uncomfortable but saying nothing. As I unpacked, his face scrunched up.
“Where’s the beer? Did you forget it?” he asked, frowning as he looked over the bags.
“Oh no, I didn’t forget,” I said cheerfully. “I just didn’t want you getting lazy. Besides, sparkling water is good for you!”
I pulled out a six-pack of sparkling water, a big bottle of green juice, and a pack of quinoa, knowing pretty well he’d never touch any of them. Dan’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t argue. I could see he was starting to catch on that something wasn’t quite right, but I was just warming up.
After dinner, I moved on to the other rules in the letter. I wiped down the counters, washed all the dishes, and tidied up the kitchen: well, sort of.
Instead of putting everything back where it belonged, I rearranged the entire kitchen. Plates went in the bathroom cupboard, utensils in the laundry room, and the toaster? I put that in the hall closet.
Dan wandered into the kitchen, looking around in confusion. “Why is everything all over the place?”
I turned to him with a concerned frown. “I’m doing my best! Maybe I need to wipe the counters three times instead of two?”
He blinked at me, completely baffled, but he let it go. The fun was just getting started.
When Dan’s friends came over a few days later for their usual football night, I made sure to really lean into Karen’s rule about modesty. I dug through my closet and found the most old-fashioned, conservative outfit I could: a full-length skirt, high-collared blouse, and a buttoned-up cardigan that would make a nun proud.
I looked like I was about to teach Sunday school in the 1800s.
As soon as Dan’s friends arrived, I stepped into the living room, carrying a tray of snacks. His buddies looked me up and down, confused but too polite to say anything.
Dan pulled me aside the first chance he got, whispering, “You know you don’t have to dress like that, right?”
I widened my eyes innocently. “But your mom said I have to dress modestly. We wouldn’t want them getting the wrong idea about me, would we?”
Dan’s friends exchanged awkward glances, but I kept smiling sweetly. The look on Dan’s face was priceless; he was starting to realize that I was turning this whole “good wife” routine on its head, and he was stuck playing along.
Laundry day rolled around, and I followed the rules again, but with a little twist. I washed all of Dan’s clothes together: whites, darks, colors, everything went into the same load. When I pulled them out, his once-crisp shirts had turned a lovely shade of pink, and his socks were either shrunk or mismatched.
Dan opened his drawer the next morning, pulling out one wrinkled pink shirt after another. “What happened to my clothes? These socks don’t even match!”
I walked into the room with an apologetic look. “Oh no! I must’ve done something wrong. I’ll try folding them in threes next time, just like the rules say.”
He groaned, shoving his mismatched socks on before heading to work, completely defeated. I couldn’t help but smile.
By the end of the week, Dan had had enough. He was trying to eat yet another bland breakfast when Karen showed up, her usual smile plastered on her face. She took a seat at the table, looking around approvingly.
“Lucia, I’m so glad to see you following the rules! Isn’t life easier now?”
I laughed under my breath. “Oh, Karen, you have no idea.”
Dan slammed his fork down, startling both of us. “Mom, we need to talk.”
Karen blinked, confused. “Talk about what?”
“These rules… they’re insane,” Dan said, his voice rising. “I’m miserable, Lucia’s miserable, and this is not how we’re going to live our lives.”
Karen looked taken aback. “But, Dan, I just want to make sure you’re being taken care of! I thought this was how marriage was supposed to be.”
“No, Mom, it’s not,” Dan replied, his tone firm. “Lucia isn’t my servant, and I’m not a child who needs everything done for me. These rules are stupid, outdated, and completely unrealistic. We’re building our own family with our own rules, and that doesn’t include treating my wife like a maid.”
“But Dan—”
“No, Mom.” Dan stood his ground. “You’re not going to come to us with these outdated views anymore. I love Lucia for who she is, and we’ll run our marriage how we want, not by some list of ridiculous rules.”
Karen sat there, stunned into silence. She hadn’t expected Dan to push back like this.
I smiled, finally feeling a sense of relief. I grabbed the ornate box from the kitchen counter and handed it back to Karen, but this time, there was a little note tucked inside: “Thanks, but no thanks.”
Karen slowly left the room, her shoulders slumped. She now understood that her influence over our marriage was over.
Soon afterward, I turned to Dan. He wrapped an arm around my waist, smiling apologetically. “I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner.”
I leaned into him, my heart finally feeling lighter. “Better late than never.”
And with that, we began building our marriage — free of lists, rules, and outdated expectations.